Captain Obvious
My cousin has this problem, overlapped with Department Of Redundancy Department and Blind Idiot Translation. "If he no says it, his head asplode, because he can no stand no say it", "I do no want go out, because it's cold and not want to get cold", "Could no find phone, someone must has put phone somewhere and I can no find it. I no know where is". He likes repeating himself. *This troper has a problem where once every year his wit and intelligence go away for an entire day. These days have provided me with gems like: a quarter is a fourth of a dollar and I can't see the dark. *This troper has commented, "I like musical music." She was talking about music from musicals. *This troper and her mother were driving. Her mother commented, "I don't think this road goes where we think it goes." Unthinkingly, this troper responded, "Well, it goes somewhere." Her mother still teases her about it at every opportunity. *This troper just heard a radio interviewee state, in all seriousness, that "A side-effect of having sex can be to become pregnant." *After a LONG conversation about how cool roller blades for your hands would be, this troper's (completely sober) friend submitted this gem: "Wouldn't it be sick if they had roller blades for you feet?". *This troper has had anisotropic filtering explained to him this way: "It filters textures by correcting the isotropy." (The person explaining later admitted he didn't have a clue, although technically this explanation was correct...) **Isn't it more Shaped Like Itself? *This troper occasionally combines this with Large Ham for comedic effect. **This troper combines it with deadpan snarking. People have fallen over with laugher when I say something entirely obvious with a dead serious face. ***This troper does this by accident. People think I'm a great comedian. Actually I'm just a bit slow and have a narrow emotional range, but I'm not telling them that. *A "friend" of this troper once said this gem while she (troper) was playing Solitaire:Friend: Troper! You're playing all by yourself! *Just the other day this troper's best friend said "Horrible women are horrible!" I didn't feel like being insulted, it was too entertaining. *This troper regularly annoys his friends and family by stating the obvious. And, given his pathetic memory, he does it over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. This troper regularly anoys his friends and family by stating the obvious. And, given his pathetic memory, he does it over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. **This troper is right there with you. My dad now sings a song whenever do that. *This troper dislocated his knee a few years ago. The paramedics were called, and he was taken to the hospital, where, after a while, a doctor said "you have a dislocated knee" to the guy who has been staring at his 60-degree-displaced patella for the last hour. *This pageless troper recalls talking with a friend during one of the Bond movies. I said: "That girl's either good, or bad. Or maybe neither." *This Tropette's teacher:"Poptarts are NOT a fruit." **The saddest thing is that half the class looked startled. ***Are you sure it wasn't because of the obviousness of the statement? ***I certainly hope that was the reason. If not, I fear for my generation's children. *Once, while on low sleep: "The leading cause of death is lack of life." *This troper loves doing this, to the point where will tell someone who is answering a ringing phone that the phone is ringing. Considering how hard it is for him to keep a serious face most of the time (partly due to his dirty mind), it is amazing that he often combines it with Deadpan Snarking. *While in a Yoga class, the instructor was reminding everybody to keep breathing while holding the poses. She asked, "You know what happens if you don't breathe, don't you?" Expecting some deep New-Agey bit of wisdom, the class remained silent. "You die." she said. Everybody had a good laugh. **No you just pass out, then you start breathing once ko'd *During a school trip, this troper and some classmates were complaining about the length of a stopover. "We've been in San Francisco forever," said one. "Yeah, and we're not even in Europe yet!" replied another. The moniker of Cpt. Obvious stuck with him until we had left France. *This Troper had a friend say "I love Mexico. It has the best Mexican food." *The same Troper as above would like to point out that said friend has nothing on said troper's sister: *:On birthdays: It's less than a year until my next birthday. On an aquaintance's sister: She is either older than aquaintance or younger than him. *A friend of mine and I got into this little chat while on the computer: Friend: Stupid player is stupid. Me: Redundant statement is redundant. Friend: Wait.... hypocritical statement is hypocritical. Me: Can we stop now? *This troper does this too many times for it to be funny. Thankfully she managed to lampshade it to reduce the pain. *This troper was once thinking for hours, and reached the conclusion that "Light is bright and darkness is opaque". My mother had a good laugh when I told her. *Calling someone by this name became a short-lived meme at This troper's school after a teacher once used it. First time any of this troper's classmates had heard it; they apparently liked it. Thus why it became a meme. *This troper copied a "rebuttal" to that great review of FATAL (you can find the link to the review on this page and a link to the review on this page), and began rebutting the rebuttal. By halfway through, he realised he was falling into this mould, by pointing out that stuff that's obviously a joke is a joke. *This troper has a friend who's motto is "It's nice to state the obvious". This troper agreed with her and often goes around telling her friends that people die when they are killed. She and her sister had a whole conversation full of obvious statements, though she's not entirely sure if "I'll come for you, except when I won't" counts. *This Troper was having a offhand conversation with her family about which was older - her dog Trixi, or cat Matthew. Said troper was wiping the table at the time, not properly concetrating, and came out with "Well, it just depends on which was born first.". Her parents found this most amusing (and for those of you who are wondering, Matthew the cat is older). *This Troper tends to do this... completely on accident. See, her mind is on a different wavelength then that of the rest of the world, so sometimes the obvious doesn't seem obvious to her and she feels the need to point it out. But then, it comes with a bonus inversion, where she sees something as obvious, and when she realizes everyone else has missed it and points it out... *This troper's little brother is in sixth grade, and claims this is a direct quote from not one, but several children in his class: "Gay people are gay." And they were serious. *Overheard on a bus: "I only laugh at things that are funny." *Seen on a package of tea: "Black tea flavoured. Ingredients: black tea, flavouring." **Seen on a package of chocolate milk: "Contains milk". ***I saw this one on a bottle of cream. **Seen on a package of bread crumbs: Ingredients: bread crumbs". ***Saw the same thing on a carton of orange juice. "Ingredients: Orange Juice." **Package of peanuts: "WARNING: MAY CONTAIN NUTS." ***Peanuts are not nuts - they're peas that resemble nuts. **Hazard sign on a huge tank of liquid oxygen in a hospital: "Oxidizing". ***Oxygen isn't the only thing that's oxidizing, it's just what the reaction happens to be named after. **The sad part about those labels? A lot of times people have had severe allergic reactions and/or died, and then they/their relatives sued the company. That's why McDonald's has that "Warning: Coffee is hot" on their coffee cups now. *Playing a game with friends "How do we kill it?!" "Get it's HP to 0.". *On a package of sleeping pills: May cause drowsiness. Then I put the package back on the shelf and say to my friend: "They're gonna have to do better than that." *Theres this guy at this high school age troper's current lunch table who talks like this a lot. He once told another person at our table that "you're wearing a tie". The fact that he also kinda has Elmuh Fudd Syndwome makes the whole thing hilarious. *My father once looked at me in the middle of an argument and said "Being polite is considered polite". There was a beat, then we both burst into laughter and fixed things up. *One of This Troper's preferred methods of starting a conversation with the parents is stating something completely obvious ("Mum, there is a cat sitting on you") as if it were an important revelation. It seems to run in the family, because my dad has a minor talent for pointing out obvious stuff as well, generally for the sake of irritating me. *During a game with my cousin, the following line came up. "Crap! Their score is 9...that's almost 10!" We laughed. *I used to do this a lot. Funnily enough, whenever I said something ridiculously obvious to a friend of mine (and it was often provoked), he said, "Why thank you, Captain Obvious!" *A Literal Captain Obvious in Roundy210 this troper's cartoon. *This troper (as someone mentioned above) likes to tell people that "The phone is ringing." as soon as the phone starts ringing. I'll also tell people "You dropped something." but only if it's obvious to the person that they did indeed dropped something. But since this is combined with Deadpan Snarking my friends or family just look at me funny or shoot back with a sarcastic "Gee thanks!" *This troper made a list of these when he was about 8. It was called "Video Game Facts" and contained such revelations such as "Kirby likes to eat". *This Troper does this ALL THE TIME! I moonlight as Captain Oblivious sometimes and so I don't realize how obvious (or silly, or...) what I'm going to say is. Its also a consequence of how I think. First establish everything you know that is true and then start working out from there. Which sometimes has me saying one or more really obvious things as the wheels turn in my head. *This troper's dad: "I didn't like Inglourious Basterds — it was too much like Kill Bill." Partially excused because he's not into effects-driven "fantasy" films... or animated films, for that matter: "What is this?! This [The Lion King musical] is too cartoon-y!" *This Troper is fond of saying "Everyone loves (insert noun here). Well, except for the people who don't." When someone else is Captain Obvious, I tend to say, without the slightest trace of irony or sarcasm "Yes, it is/was." *This troper has to restrain himself from answering the question "What do you want for dinner?" with "Food," particularly because he's done it so many times that his mother goes slightly violent whenever he says it. He's also fond of answering other questions in this manner. **Are you me? ***No. ***Yes. **The most common reply: "What kind of food?" **This Troper used to do that until her dad found a way around that by suggesting... odd things. Now, she says, "Food suitable for human consumption." *This Troper's mother was once frustrated with us asking her to speak up when she was talking to our father. Finally, she had had enough of us asking her what they were talking about and yelled out "People who eavesdrop listen to what is being said." *My roommate occasionally seems to think other people, particularly me, are Captain Oblivious. This ensues. Also, I once made a reference to "planets in space". As opposed to... all those other planets... that aren't in space... *The best response I ever heard to "Thank you, Captain Obvious!" was "You're welcome, Sargent Sarcastic!" *This troper occasionally sticks her pencil in her ponytail for safekeeping. This somehow turns half of the people she knows into this trope. "You have a pencil in your hair..." "Yes, I know." *This troper says "I'm ringing!" every time her phone rings. If it's the home phone, she tells the rest of her family that "we're ringing." *The background is yellow. *Just today, I saw a vanity plate that just said "DRIVER." **Might've been worse. It could've said "CAR". *I generally reply to these statements without a pause and snarkily deadpan.In example (in English class, we do one play, one novel and one film.) Teacher: Take out your play texts... Student: King Lear? Me: No, the other play. *This troper states the obvious on purpose to be funny, or sometimes by accident if I'm trying to be helpful but underestimated how obvious something would be to the other person. My parents, however, do it without a hint of irony, in conjunction with Dont Explain The Joke and general Anviliciousness. *A few years ago I was at a summer camp and I overheard a girl say to one of her friends "Oh my gosh- Water is wet." I still crack up every time I think of it. *My little brother often says the most obvious things especially when I'm driving like if I'm going to turn left and have already signaled he still tells me and I think to myself "well duh!", and one of my former friends was like this then again he was a total dumbass. *I have (unfortunately) earned a reputation among my friends as being Captain Obvious due to a combination of...uh, genuine surprise towards certain things (sometimes other people notice things a lot easier than I do) and intentionally making obvious statements to be amusing. (Especially when people are debating and one of them messes up. It's great to win an argument with the phrase "Japan is Japan.") *I and my best friend once spontaneously started doing a MST 3 K treatment of the Return of the King film in the middle of watching it. One of our running gags was responding to anything Legolas said with "Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Because it was the theatrical version, this worked for about 90% of Leggy's lines. *I was asked, once, by my mother if I thought her recently-cut finger was infected. I looked. It was pale green... *One time, on a school camping trip, a few boys were sitting by the lake. There was a small dead fish floating near the dock. All of them noticed it, commented, and moved on. All except for one, that is, who, ten minutes later, finally stopped staring at it and said, with utter conviction, "That's a dead fish! *I often fall into snark territory. While listening to an iPod touch in a group of people I just met, I responded to the question "What's the difference between an iPod touch and an iPhone?" with: "...One's a phone." Category:Troper Tales